Parenting can be the strangest, hardest and most fulfilling job you've ever had. There are many exhilirations that come with being a parent. But every coin has a flip side, and one of the rough spots that the moms of Parent Soup wrestle with is the feeling that their personal identity often comes second to their roles of wife, mother, employee, etc., etc. How can you keep a balance between being true to yourself and putting your family first? And are you a horrible mother if you long to spend some "me time?" Here, the wonderful women who frequent Parent Soup talk about how they stay true to themselves in the midst of their family lives.
"I became a stay-at-home mom last summer. My husband takes the kids to my in-laws' weekend place about once every six months so I can rejuvenate. The first time I didn't think the weekend was long enough, but now I miss them by about Saturday afternoon."
"I make it a point to go out with a bunch of friends at least once a month. It is great for finding myself again."
"Take some time out for yourself! I find that my family is happier when I'm happier. If that means taking a little time for myself, then I do it."
"For me, it took going back to college and pursuing something I really wanted. I met people that I got to know not because I'm a mother/wife/housekeeper. I met people who were boring, interesting, young, old and who made me love and appreciate my family more. I was able to do it because my kids were in school themselves. Putting your mind to work is a wonderful feeling!"
"When I start feeling that way, that's when I have to take a shopping trip, girls' night out, or just rent some sappy love story movie that nobody else wants to watch and sit with a big bowl of ice cream!! I've also started some hobbies -- scrapbooking, gardening, playing on the computer -- that are my things and nobody else's! It's also nice to take a vacation by yourself or with a friend. Don't worry, those aren't unusual feelings, I don't think. If they are, then I'm unusual too!" "After being a stay at home mom for 22 years, I still feel like I have an identity of wife, Mom, and of course the picture lady at the school. I have no identity, but I know who I am. I am Me, a sum total of all those things, and the lady who yells at teenagers speeding up and down my street, the lady who will go to church and take care of anything that needs to be taken care of, and the lady who will be there if you want me to be. I guess you might say that I am a well rounded (size 24), loud mouth, mother who put up with nothing without a fight, and a wife of 22 years and a mother to 5 boys. That . . . and I am a force to reckoned with." -ivillage.com
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Time-saving tips for working moms
Being a working mom has never been easy. Work stress, family pressures, childcare dilemmas and time management issues can take their toll. As a result, you could find yourself praying for a smoother daily routine. Feeling tempted to quit your job/ career. Looking more unkempt as the days go by.
Giving up or getting frustrated is not the solution. Try our tips to help you juggle all those responsibilities better. Home: Organise and delegate
~ Have a 'clean-up' routine every night before you go to bed, where every family member puts things back in their right place. Even toddlers can help.
Older kids can help put their toys away, fold laundry and make their own bed. This not only saves you time, but also gives them a sense of independence. Praise your kids for their effort and watch them beam.
~ Enlist your hubby's help to set the table and clear it. Shyamala Arya, a 26-year old sales executive from Mumbai, says, "My husband does not mind sharing chores but he needs to be told what exactly to do. More important, he does not want to hear 'Oh no, not like that!' or 'I could have done it better myself!' Men want appreciation." Resist criticising his methods and your husband will be happy to help.
~ Make mornings less hectic by planning ahead. Finish things like packing schoolbags and ironing clothes. Decide what you want to wear to work the next day and keep it ready the night before.
Giving up or getting frustrated is not the solution. Try our tips to help you juggle all those responsibilities better. Home: Organise and delegate
~ Have a 'clean-up' routine every night before you go to bed, where every family member puts things back in their right place. Even toddlers can help.
Older kids can help put their toys away, fold laundry and make their own bed. This not only saves you time, but also gives them a sense of independence. Praise your kids for their effort and watch them beam.
~ Enlist your hubby's help to set the table and clear it. Shyamala Arya, a 26-year old sales executive from Mumbai, says, "My husband does not mind sharing chores but he needs to be told what exactly to do. More important, he does not want to hear 'Oh no, not like that!' or 'I could have done it better myself!' Men want appreciation." Resist criticising his methods and your husband will be happy to help.
~ Make mornings less hectic by planning ahead. Finish things like packing schoolbags and ironing clothes. Decide what you want to wear to work the next day and keep it ready the night before.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Before you return from work
Decide on a return-to-work date. Discuss with your employer your options for how much time you can take for maternity leave. You might not have the luxury of deciding whether or not to return to work, but you can take as much time as you're allowed. Choose a day that's later in the week to make your first week back to work a short one.
Find dependable child care. The thought of leaving your newborn in someone else's care can be troubling. Finding a reliable child care provider whom you trust can ease your mind considerably. Your child care options range from individual in-home care to a child care center.
Give yourself time to research facilities in your area and to get on waiting lists, if necessary.
Have a talk with your boss. Discuss your job duties and schedule so you'll know what's expected of you when you return. If your workplace offers some flexibility, ask about flexible hours or working from home on occasion. Be prepared to suggest ways of making a more flexible arrangement work.
Once you're back at work
Manage your time and be organized. Combining a job with raising a child demands honed time management and organizational skills. You have a lot of responsibilities, and to make sure they're all attended to — and that you maintain some sense of sanity — set up a system for making sure everything gets done. Too many demands and not enough of you to go around means you may have to let less important matters slide.
Stay connected. Find little ways to stay connected with your baby when you're away from him or her. Plan a daily phone call to see how your baby's doing. Keep some photos on your desk.
Look forward to spending time with your baby that evening.
Make backup plans. There will be days when your baby is sick or your child care center is closed. Be prepared with alternative plans on those days. Check with your employer beforehand about taking time off when your child is sick. Talk with a family member or close friend in advance about filling in if you can't bring your baby to child care.
Accept that you'll feel guilty or sad at times. If you're like a lot of mothers, you'll struggle with feelings of guilt. You might feel sad that you can't spend as much time as you'd like with your baby. These feelings are common, and it might help to discuss them with your friends or other mothers in similar circumstances. Talk to your spouse about how you're feeling. If your sadness or guilty feelings are increasing or overwhelming, mention them to your doctor.
Establish a support system.
Give up trying to do it all yourself. Accept help from your partner, family members and friends. Seek out other working mothers who can offer support as you make the transition back to work.
Take time for yourself. As difficult as this may seem, take time to nurture your own well-being. Taking the baby for a walk is enjoyable for your baby, and it's good exercise for you. Rely on easy-to-prepare meals or a relaxing bath after putting your baby to bed to help ease stress. If you feel less stressed, you'll be able to better enjoy your baby when you're together.
Get as much rest as possible.
You'll have times when you feel so tired you'll wonder how you can do it all. Unfortunately, fatigue goes hand in hand with being a new parent. Try going to bed early one night each week to catch up on sleep. Cut down on unnecessary commitments. Set aside time on weekends to take a nap while your baby is sleeping. The better rested you are, the easier it will be to handle those everyday problems that crop up.
Combining motherhood with work isn't easy. Certainly you'll have days when you won't feel like going to work, especially if your baby is fussy or seems particularly clingy. But as you and your child become used to your schedule, as your baby settles into a routine and as you become more adept at managing multiple demands, you'll learn how to handle these normal ups and downs
Find dependable child care. The thought of leaving your newborn in someone else's care can be troubling. Finding a reliable child care provider whom you trust can ease your mind considerably. Your child care options range from individual in-home care to a child care center.
Give yourself time to research facilities in your area and to get on waiting lists, if necessary.
Have a talk with your boss. Discuss your job duties and schedule so you'll know what's expected of you when you return. If your workplace offers some flexibility, ask about flexible hours or working from home on occasion. Be prepared to suggest ways of making a more flexible arrangement work.
Once you're back at work
Manage your time and be organized. Combining a job with raising a child demands honed time management and organizational skills. You have a lot of responsibilities, and to make sure they're all attended to — and that you maintain some sense of sanity — set up a system for making sure everything gets done. Too many demands and not enough of you to go around means you may have to let less important matters slide.
Stay connected. Find little ways to stay connected with your baby when you're away from him or her. Plan a daily phone call to see how your baby's doing. Keep some photos on your desk.
Look forward to spending time with your baby that evening.
Make backup plans. There will be days when your baby is sick or your child care center is closed. Be prepared with alternative plans on those days. Check with your employer beforehand about taking time off when your child is sick. Talk with a family member or close friend in advance about filling in if you can't bring your baby to child care.
Accept that you'll feel guilty or sad at times. If you're like a lot of mothers, you'll struggle with feelings of guilt. You might feel sad that you can't spend as much time as you'd like with your baby. These feelings are common, and it might help to discuss them with your friends or other mothers in similar circumstances. Talk to your spouse about how you're feeling. If your sadness or guilty feelings are increasing or overwhelming, mention them to your doctor.
Establish a support system.
Give up trying to do it all yourself. Accept help from your partner, family members and friends. Seek out other working mothers who can offer support as you make the transition back to work.
Take time for yourself. As difficult as this may seem, take time to nurture your own well-being. Taking the baby for a walk is enjoyable for your baby, and it's good exercise for you. Rely on easy-to-prepare meals or a relaxing bath after putting your baby to bed to help ease stress. If you feel less stressed, you'll be able to better enjoy your baby when you're together.
Get as much rest as possible.
You'll have times when you feel so tired you'll wonder how you can do it all. Unfortunately, fatigue goes hand in hand with being a new parent. Try going to bed early one night each week to catch up on sleep. Cut down on unnecessary commitments. Set aside time on weekends to take a nap while your baby is sleeping. The better rested you are, the easier it will be to handle those everyday problems that crop up.
Combining motherhood with work isn't easy. Certainly you'll have days when you won't feel like going to work, especially if your baby is fussy or seems particularly clingy. But as you and your child become used to your schedule, as your baby settles into a routine and as you become more adept at managing multiple demands, you'll learn how to handle these normal ups and downs
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
7 ways to CHILL OUT
1. Remember how you felt when you fell in love with your partner and allow yourself to recreate that feeling.
2. Write a love letter (to your partner, children, parents, friends...)
3. Treat yourself to a manicure and a pedicure.
4. Rent a great video.
5. Start a gratitude journal and express your thanks on a daily basis.
6. Go to the beach. Delight and bask in the warming rays of the sun.
7. Visit your favorite bookstore (the one with comfortable chairs and a coffee shop) and spend the afternoon.
1. Remember how you felt when you fell in love with your partner and allow yourself to recreate that feeling.
2. Write a love letter (to your partner, children, parents, friends...)
3. Treat yourself to a manicure and a pedicure.
4. Rent a great video.
5. Start a gratitude journal and express your thanks on a daily basis.
6. Go to the beach. Delight and bask in the warming rays of the sun.
7. Visit your favorite bookstore (the one with comfortable chairs and a coffee shop) and spend the afternoon.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Moms, let's do this to de-stress
1. Put on your favorite music, turn it up loud and dance.
2. Call your best friend and settle in with a hot cup of tea, for a good long talk.
3. Snuggle up in bed with a good book.
4. Sink into your tub for a long, luxurious soak at the end of the day.
5. Indulge in getting (or giving) a massage.
6. Snack on your favorite "comfort food."
2. Call your best friend and settle in with a hot cup of tea, for a good long talk.
3. Snuggle up in bed with a good book.
4. Sink into your tub for a long, luxurious soak at the end of the day.
5. Indulge in getting (or giving) a massage.
6. Snack on your favorite "comfort food."
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
5 ways to nurture yor body and soul!
1. Allow yourself some private time each day, even if it is only a half hour.
2. Take a long walk.
3. Buy a bouquet of flowers for yourself.
4. Begin to develop an intimate circle of friends and family.
5. Turn off the phone and allow your answering machine to pick up your calls.
2. Take a long walk.
3. Buy a bouquet of flowers for yourself.
4. Begin to develop an intimate circle of friends and family.
5. Turn off the phone and allow your answering machine to pick up your calls.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Nap and Make Love
Don't nap too late in the afternoon, or it may interfere with your sleep at night.
Studies have shown another extra health benefit. People who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart disease than those who didn't nap.
Studies have shown another extra health benefit. People who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart disease than those who didn't nap.
Make Love
Making love is often overlooked, especially by tired moms, as a great way to relax. Satisfying sex leads to a deep relaxation. If you feel too tired, how about massage?
Touch is a powerful healer.
Making love is often overlooked, especially by tired moms, as a great way to relax. Satisfying sex leads to a deep relaxation. If you feel too tired, how about massage?
Touch is a powerful healer.
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