Five steps to the life you want!

Here's a five-step strategy to help you get the life you truly desire.1: Tell yourself you CAN do it. We all have that little voice in our head telling us that our ideal lives are ridiculous or out of reach, says Laura Berman Fortgang, a best-selling author. "Most of the time the things we tell ourselves that we can't do are really stuff we just make up," says Fortgang. No time. No money. No know-how. And what about the kids? Most of us can come up with a laundry list of excuses, because change is scary. By definition it disrupts, affecting not just ourselves but also the circle of those close to us, says coach Jennifer Corbin, founder of The Balance Studio (www.the balancestudio.com). You need to decide that you're going to ignore naysayers when you're in the construction phase of your life plan. To get past your excuses and fears, life coaches suggest, ask yourself this simple question: If it were impossible to fail, what would I be doing? When Sharon Geraghty answered that question, the accountant realized she wanted to own her own fabric store and teach sewing. Everyone told her that with two toddlers at home, she wouldn't have the time to start a business, never mind put in the long hours it would take to ensure its success. By writing a life plan, she was able to see that no laws dictate that a new business owner can't work a flex schedule. So she kept her shop open to customers for half the day, when her children were in school. In the afternoons she'd pick up her kids, then go home and do the paperwork. Defying skeptics, Sharon's business thrived for almost a decade. 2: Figure out what you really want. This is not an easy step. Three years from now? We're worried about where we're going to be three minutes from now. Take the time to soul-search, and be aware that there's usually a difference between what we want and what we think we should want, says Fortgang. You don't want to spin your wheels working toward career or personal goals that other people or society as a whole says you should want. Fortgang calls this "shoulding" on yourself, and it can be the biggest hurdle to real happiness. So step two requires a reality check. Strip away all the denial, be honest with yourself, and think about what it is you really want—across various aspects of your life. Although a rut is easiest to blame on work, on-the-job frustration is often a signal that other aspects of life are not in alignment, life coaches say. Such raw self-evaluation will give you permission to work toward your own desires regardless of others' expectations. This can be especially difficult for working moms, because we usually place self-care at the bottom of our priority list. "We don't take care of ourselves. We take care of others," adds Fortgang, who is the mother of a 9-year-old and 5-year-old twins.To crystallize your real desires, you have to identify your core values, coaches say. Values are personal and can be anything from a need to be a leader to a wish for greater creative expression or even a simpler day-to-day life. To ID your values, think of a time when you were inspired or excited, says coach Christina Barr of Square One Solutions in Chicago. Write down the details of the story and ask yourself what made you excited. What was important to you about the situation? Notice the values expressed by both the outcome you wanted and the process you took to get there. During what activities do you feel the greatest sense of happiness and fulfillment? What gives you the most satisfaction? What are you most passionate about? Review the discoveries revealed by your answers. List all the values that these situations suggest are important, such as short tasks versus long deadlines and flexibility. Put the list away. After several days, narrow it down to a just a few. The goals on your life plan should support or coincide with these values.When Tracy Levine, a marketing exec at a major bank in New York City and mother of two, wrote her life plan, she thought that after 17 years with the company, she needed a new career. But when she identified her values, she realized that what she really wanted was more time with her kids and to be a leader. Her job wasn't satisfying either value—but her life plan helped her see that she didn't need to quit, she needed to reprioritize. The flexible schedule that came with her position already gave her more time with her kids than a new job probably would. So she decided to use her time better. Now she makes it a point to leave the office by 5:15 p.m. sharp, making her family life a priority. To satisfy her desire for a leadership role, she beefed up her volunteer efforts outside the office and in a parenting group at work. Two years after first developing her life plan, Tracy is still in the same job but feels so much has changed. "A life plan gave me structure," says Tracy. "I didn't make as big a change as I first envisioned. But sometimes not making a drastic change is okay."3: Visualize your new and improved life. Imagine the life that you want. Picture yourself as that independent businesswoman, organic gardener or time-for-brownie-baking mom. You should be able to see the precise details as if you were looking at a painting, says Barr. Exactly what would your day be like? What time would you wake up? Who would you interact with? How long would your day be? What would you spend most of your time doing? Seeing these specifics will help move your vision from dream to reality. If Mary Sutherby had taken the time to focus on the details, she would have realized she didn't really like the picture she was drawing. Mary sold securities and walked away from that fast-paced career when she became a mother. But the stay-at-home life didn't agree with her, either. Assuming that Wall Street and motherhood couldn't mix, she decided to use her journalism degree and turn to writing. However, Mary soon discovered that although a writer's life gave her flexibility, it was also isolating. She found sitting at her computer all day tedious and yearned for the results-driven world of her finance life. If she had truly visualized daily life as a writer, she would have recognized that watercooler chatter mattered and that writing's solitude wasn't for her. With a life plan in hand, Mary realized she liked the independence of selling securities but didn't like the late-night meetings and heavy travel. So she's returning to her old industry, but to a position that is project driven, allowing her to work independently, with limited travel and deadlines, to suit her family's schedule. 4: Map the next Three months to Three years. There is power in putting your vision on paper and then attaching it to a specific timeline. Realize that the structure and timeline of a plan will depend on the individual who writes it. Once your life plan is written, post it where you'll see it every day—by your mirror, on your desk, in the bathroom, on your refrigerator. If a plan sits on a shelf, it rarely becomes realized. Review your plan at least once a month and work on it every two weeks. Also share your plan with other people. It will help you create a support system. Enlist a partner, a friend, a spouse or a coach to ensure you are meeting your ongoing goals. 5: Get the tools you need. After all this honest reflection, you should be more self-aware then ever before. Now it's time to take what you've learned and turn it into action. You've plotted your deadlines—what steps do you need to take to meet them?

By: Cora Daniels